3G's pt. 1

if i had three thousand dollars.

if i had three thousand dollars i would take the bus to union square and wander into stores asking where other stores are because i'm not used to having three thousand dollars and i don't know where to spend it. inside the store where everybody with money goes to spend it, i would grab armfuls of clothing; leather, tweed, cotton/poly blends, and struggle and drop things and ask the clerk do you have a bag or a basket i can carry these in. i would spend hours going back to the fitting rooms with the maximum number of items. the lady-boy in charge of them would roll his eyes at me behind his frosted flat-ironed bangs, and i would feel a little embarrassed because my real clothes aren't as nice as the ones i'm trying on and my hair is a mess and i'm sweating from running around the store grabbing everything i can. i would squeeze into so many pairs of jeggings, all of them beginning to look the same, asking myself did i already try these on? telling myself they'll look better at home away from these unflattering fluorescent lights and i have to have them.

girls would wait behind me in line with their one or two or maybe three items while one clerk rings me up and the other tries to fit all of my things into one bag. they would all wonder where i got the money and the funny part is that so would i. after all of this i would feel so high and so tired at the same time and chase after the bus with a cigarette in my mouth getting wet from the rain and then i would sit on the bus where it's warm with my stuff in my bag on my lap. i would look at the people on the bus like a hungry dog with a big bowl of food looks at a bunch of hungrier dogs.

i would do this all over again on a different day. but this time my shopping clothes would look more like my buying clothes and my real clothes would sit in the back of a drawer smelling like wood.